Turtles, Cats, and Introverts

by Philip Sherman

How can an inwardly directed, private person best live in today's 24/7, socially centered world?

Being extroverted, outspoken and outwardly driven is often praised and encouraged in today's schools, businesses, and society at large; while being soft-spoken, reserved, or inwardly oriented is sometimes seen as a weakness or shortcoming that should be quickly "fixed."

Why do some people think in this way?

One of the reasons might be the high value that modern society places on the perceived necessity for an individual to be dynamic, outgoing, and socially skilled in order to more effectively promote themselves and appeal to the world. Life, especially in business, seems to be similar to a giant advertising campaign, where presentation, promotion and window dressing are key. Promotion of self is undoubtedly important in life; but how important is it really? I will leave that up to you to decide.

Enjoying quiet times by yourself, not desiring to be chatty all the time, and tending to be more inwardly oriented are not abnormalities or weaknesses that need to be "fixed," but just normal, healthy characteristics that many, if not all well-balanced people naturally have.

There are probably fewer "extroverts" than you might have thought, and many more "introverts" than you might have imagined.

According to the Myers Briggs Type Indicator Manual (3rd ed.,1998)

49.3 percent of people were considered "extroverts,"
while 50.7 were classified as "introverts."

We are not simply two-dimensional beings that precisely fall into one category or the other, but a complex matrix of multiple colors and shades. There is actually no such thing as a 100% pure "extrovert" or "introvert," but just varying degrees of both aspects that we all naturally have. Additionally, there is a third category, "ambivert," which attempts to describe the large middle area of variations in-between. Perhaps a better way to talk about personality traits would be to speak in terms of predispositions and tendencies, or to say that a person is generally outwardly inclined, or inwardly oriented. There is no system in the world that can precisely measure or define the infinite nature of who we really are. Words and categories have limitations, but we do not.

What is the MBTI?

The Myers–Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is a well-known survey that many schools and businesses use to discover a person’s natural strengths, especially for the purpose of choosing future career paths. It measures psychological preferences and tendencies in how we think, act, and look at the world, as well as how we perceive ourselves.

Here is the official MBTI website, which more clearly explains what their specific definition of "introvert" and "extrovert" is.

If you are interested in finding out what type you are according to this Jungian system, here is a fun, "unofficial" personality quiz based on the MBTI. It consists of 63 questions, and will take about 20 minutes to complete. There are no obligatory accounts that you have to set up in advance. The results with explanations are immediately given upon finishing this quiz.

"There is no such thing as a
pure extrovert or a pure introvert.
Such a man would be in the lunatic asylum."

~ Carl Jung (Swiss psychiatrist upon
whose work the MBTI is based.)

Being an "introvert" is not the same thing as being "shy."

Introverts prefer to think and act more from their own inner world. They don't mind being by themselves, but can also engage in "exciting" social situations if they choose. They generally feel confident, happy and content with themselves, and refresh and re-charge through quiet relaxation, and by disengaging from the everyday "noise" of life.

Shy people, on the other hand, tend to feel self-conscious and uncomfortable when placed in certain social situations out of a personal fear or uneasiness of some kind. Shyness often comes from low self-confidence, low self-esteem, or a fear of being negatively perceived or judged by other people in some way.

This quote by Dr. Laurie Helgoe clearly illustrates the difference between being shy and being an introvert:

"A shy kid might look longingly at other kids playing in the schoolyard, afraid and unsure about how to approach them, but an introvert is perfectly content on her own."

If you are a shy person who would like to work further on this issue, here are 4 important points to consider to bring more balance, grounded power, and happiness into your life:

Shy People "To-Do" List

Accept and love yourself exactly as you are. You are unique and important, and deserve all the best things in life.

Place the highest value and importance on what YOU think and feel about yourself; and ignore, or don't take too seriously the opinions that other people might have of you. What you believe and think about yourself is far more important than what other people might think or say.

Act and live in a way that makes you feel truly happy, proud, and loving of yourself. Do not become overly obsessed about trying to please, satisfy or make other people happy. Concentrate more on building and strengthening yourself right now; and then later on, you will be better equipped and empowered to help others from that higher position of love and acceptance that you have created within yourself.

Don't overly apologize to other people, but just to the extent that is necessary. If an apology is actually necessary, apologize for what you may have said or done, but never for who you are!

We are all shy in some ways, to greater or lesser degrees, so don't feel bad if you think you are unusually shy right now. Whether it is in giving a public speech or talking to a stranger, the more practice and experience you have, the more your confidence will grow, and as you become stronger, your shyness will naturally fade away. Overcoming shyness will require that you deliberately push yourself in new and uncomfortable ways, but it will be well worth the effort to set yourself free and away from the fear.

"Thinking will not overcome fear but action will."
~ W. Clement Stone

For a person who is not shy, but just naturally quiet or somewhat reserved, a more positive perspective should be used - one which showcases an introvert's quiet inner strengths and characteristics, rather than negatively judges or condemns them. Unlike shyness or social fear, being introverted is not a disempowering condition that has to be "worked on," but perhaps just better appreciated, optimized and built upon.

Five Core Strengths of Most Introverts(BALANCED "ambiverts" and "extroverts" are also
quite capable of having these qualities as well.)

Introverts are inwardly oriented, meaning that they tend to excel in areas that require abstract thinking, creativity, or high levels of concentration. They can ignore or block out external distractions and inwardly focus their mind to work on and accomplish great things.

“Quiet people have the loudest minds.” ~ Stephen Hawking

Introverts are great listeners, and are not quick to speak without first trying to learn as much as possible about whatever topic is being discussed at the time. They are typically good in diplomatic situations and can masterfully work with the more subtle wordings and nuances that sometimes become necessary in order to keep peace and harmony in life. They can understand other people and their perspectives without feeling the need to quickly respond and express their own. They are quietly strong, in a calm, unassuming kind of way.

"I'm patient." ~ Michael Jordan

Introverts are efficient self-starters, who can create their own energy and motivation from within. They can easily focus their energies on what they want to do, rather than become overly caught up with trivial battles, superficial victories, or the many little whirlwinds of life. Introverts typically enjoy living in peace, but are still capable of strongly fighting for causes that they deeply feel and believe to be right.

“You must never be fearful about what you are doing when it is right.”
~ Rosa Parks

Introverts keenly understand how to use their time, and manage and conserve their energy in a way that is productive and efficient for them. An introvert is typically not a busy-body or social butterfly, and can understand when it is appropriate to retreat or take a rest. Introverts can smoothly balance and manage their energy over long periods of time, thus preventing themselves from quickly burning out. In the children's story, The Tortoise and the Hare, the quiet, patient tortoise is the animal that ultimately comes out on top and wins the race.

"Wise men speak because they have something to say;
Fools because they have to say something."
~ Plato

Introverts tend to be intuitively sensitive, due to their highly receptive nature and internal focus. If you look at any of the world's great spiritual teachers or enlightened beings for example, they have had a predominantly introverted nature as well. They have all been lovingly connected to humanity and the world, but have also remained somewhat separate and distant. They did not create change through violence or force, but through changing the ways in which humanity feels and thinks. The changes they created came from within.

“In a gentle way, you can shake the world.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi

Five Areas That May Require Further Work

Introverts are often highly sensitive, introspective types, with gentle hearts that can be easily hurt. Here are some helpful points to remember when dealing with the negativity that the world often presents:

The only opinion that really counts is the opinion that you have about yourself, and not the opinions that other people might say.

The only power that other people or events have over you is the power that you allow them to have. Guard your mind like a personal treasure chest full of gold that only you are allowed to touch.

The only thing that you can completely control is your own mind, and the perceptions and meanings that you have of the world. There are certain people, situations or past events that no matter how hard you try, you cannot fully control, influence or change. Focus more upon loving and building yourself up from where you are now, rather than continuing to remain focused and stuck on some negative comment or event from the past. Your happiness and peace of mind is far more important than any of these things.

Introverts might hesitate to speak up when necessary, and feel somewhat overwhelmed or quickly yield to louder, more aggressive types. Don't be afraid to express your opinions or defend what you believe to be right. You don't have to be obnoxious, harsh or rude; but remain strong, solidly centered and peacefully confident when expressing and asserting yourself. Using power and force is not bad if done for the right reason and in the right way. Here is a 2 minute video of a normally quiet, peace loving little cat that perfectly understands when it is sometimes necessary to fight.

Introverts can't do everything by themselves, no matter how strong and stoic they might believe themselves to be. Introverts are still human just like the rest of us, and need the love and support of other people as well. Don't be afraid to ask others for help when it is necessary. This is not a sign of weakness, but actually a sign of strength - to admit that there are some things that you can't effectively do or manage by yourself. Truly strong people can show both their strengths and weaknesses. "Weaknesses" for strong people are simply seen as invitations and opportunities to further develop and improve upon themselves.

Introverts may sometimes take life, themselves, and other people just a little bit too seriously. It is perfectly fine and good for the soul to occasionally be silly, spontaneous and fun; and let down your guard from time to time. Despite how painful this might sound to some, every one of us could benefit from becoming more proficient in the art of small talk, joke telling, and developing an ability to more heartily laugh and poke fun at ourselves. Don't take yourself or this life too seriously. There is a natural humor and craziness to the many aspects of this life that should be enjoyed and appreciated, rather than denied or overlooked.

Leadership, self-confidence, and communication skills are important areas to work on and develop within yourself. In politics, business, and ordinary life, it often seems that the people who hold the highest positions of power, or earn the most money are not always the best or most technically qualified for the job. Instead, they are oftentimes simply the best leaders, communicators, and most confident, charismatic people in life. If inwardly oriented, soft-spoken types could also build within their character a balanced sense of confidence, assertiveness and effective leadership skills, then there would be literally nothing that they couldn't do or achieve. If you think developing such a wide array of qualities is impossible to achieve, then please look at this article, "16 Super Successful Introverts," which clearly proves that mild-mannered, introspective types can be highly diversified, multi-dimensional, and incredibly successful as well.

Five Core Strengths of an Effective Leader or Boss

An effective leader or boss should be:

capable of prolonged, high levels of concentration; as well as be intelligent and creative.

a good listener who can take time to listen and act upon other people's advice as well as their complaints.

an internally driven, motivated self-starter who is not easily distracted or led off course.

patient and persistent, and understand the importance of time management and efficiency; and be able to think and act from a long term perspective.

a visionary who has deep insight and a good intuitive sense, which allows him or her to see potential dangers as well as great opportunities far in advance.

If you haven't already noticed, these "5 core strengths of an effective leader or boss" are simply variations of the "5 core strengths found in most introverts" that I mentioned above. With a few minor adjustments here and there, introverts are well on their way to potentially becoming effective leaders and highly successful in life.

Introverts, as well as ambiverts and extroverts, should take inventory of all the personal qualities and characteristics that they naturally have, and build upon and optimize their strengths as well as work on their weaknesses. Love and accept yourself for who you are right now, but also strive to continually expand, improve, and grow.

"Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities!
Without a humble but reasonable confidence
in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy."
~ Norman Vincent Peale