7 Key Points for Programming and Optimizing your Life Story

by Philip Sherman

How do your personal life stories and programs influence and affect your life?

 

 

 

Take a moment to think of how you would describe yourself and the major highlights of your life up to now. What parts of your life history would you focus upon? What parts would you hide or omit? What would you embellish upon? What kind of image would you like others to have of you? What is the honest image that you have of yourself?

The life stories that we experience, interpret, and personalize in our head may seem to be accurate and unbiased accounts, but only reflect the reality that we have specifically chosen to focus upon and see. In other words, the reality that we think and believe to be real is not always 100% accurate or true.

"Reality leaves a lot to the imagination." 
~ John Lennon

 

 

Narrative Psychology and Storytelling

 

There is an emerging field of psychology called "narrative psychology" which studies how the life stories that we experience, focus upon, and share with others influence our behaviors, sense of identity, and ultimate success and happiness that we will have. This blog will also similarly discuss how these personal narratives, along with our habits and programs, shape and create our life.  

Here is a 2-minute video that discusses some of the research and issues related to this field.

 

What is your life story?

 

How would you complete the following sentences? 

• My childhood was very ... 

• Most of my childhood friends were ...

• At school, I typically ...

• When thinking about my family, I always remember ...

• I think my life up to now has been ...    

• I think I am usually lucky (or not lucky) in life because ...

 

How did you complete the sentences above? Perhaps your thoughts or answers weren’t as positive or optimistic as you had hoped. Don't worry. This is perfectly natural, and not "wrong" or unusual at all. Despite our core nature as spiritual beings, we are all still having a very real human experience right now. We, as human beings, are wired up to be survival machines first, and seekers of spiritual beauty and truth second.

 

Consider this scenario: If there was a magnificent flower that radiated with golden light on your right, and an angry, growling wolf staring you down with eyes of hunger on your left, which would you most likely tend to focus on and concern yourself with the most? While your inner spirit might be intuitively drawn towards the heavenly flower of golden light, your human instinct would soon kick in and demand that you focus your attention upon the hungry, growling wolf who is ready to eat you for lunch!

 

Here is another example: What if on a dark night on your way home, you saw a shadowy figure in the distance holding what appeared to be a knife. If you were "positively minded" you might think, "Maybe that person just finished eating an apple, and that shiny little object is nothing but a paring knife." Perhaps you are correct, but if by some chance you were wrong, then there is a risk of potentially being seriously harmed or killed unless you decide to be a little more cautious, skeptical, and "negative" in your thinking, and take a different way home.

 

 

We are naturally "negative" to a certain degree.

 

As you can see from these two examples, we have to be somewhat negatively oriented, skeptical, and cautious just in order to survive. In the world that we live in today, it is better to err on the side of caution, than to be overly trusting or naive. This way of thinking is not wrong or bad, but simply the mental hardwiring that we have developed out of necessity for the survival and continuation of our species from our start over 200,000 years ago.

Once we become aware of this natural human tendency to be cautious, we can then advance beyond our basic "survival mode" instincts and begin to focus more on the higher, more rewarding aspects of life. Even though it is normal to be somewhat cautious and negatively oriented, many people take this natural inclination to an extreme and apply it to almost every situation in life. Balancing both of these perspectives is key. As the saying goes, "Hope for the best, but plan for the worst." 

 

Survivors, by nature, are skilled fighters who focus mainly upon dangerous threats and problems to avoid; while those who truly prosper and greatly succeed remain intelligently cautious but focus more upon the greater opportunities and higher aspects of life.

 

Surviving in life, and thriving in life are as different as night and day.

 

Here are some more excellent questions provided by storycorps.org to consider when creating your own life story, or when recording the life story of another person.

 

 

7 Keys Points for 
Programming and Optimizing
your Life Story

 

1. Become aware of your habits and patterns of what you do, think, and say.

A few years ago, I carried around a pocket sized notepad and pen, and wrote down all the feelings, thoughts, and images that seemed to habitually and sometimes just randomly race through my mind; along with the most common words that I would often say. Later when I got home, I would look at these notes in more detail again. I was particularly interested in the thoughts and words that would sometimes just seem to mysteriously "pop up" again and again. Where were all of these words and thoughts coming from? Why do I believe them? Are they really helping me to advance in my life right now?

I wasn't going mad or insane, but just becoming more sensitive and aware of all the strange and sometimes simply unexplainable things that were running around in my head.

I was taking steps in becoming more observant, introspective and self-aware. I was trying to discover the true source of my behaviors and beliefs, and more deeply understand who I really am. 

 

"The unexamined life is not worth living."
~ Socrates

 

What are some of your automatic habits and background programs, including the subtle thoughts and behaviors that you might not normally even be consciously aware of? What are some of your favorite words and life stories that you repeatedly say? Are they empowering or disempowering? Do they positively contribute to your self-image, personal progress, and growth?

 

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” 
~ Aristotle

 

Self-reflection, mindfulness and exercising greater awareness and control of your own thoughts, words, and actions might seem difficult at first, but after a while it will become automatic and second nature to you. Be especially alert and careful when speaking or acting during stressful or highly emotional states. These are the times when old patterns, habits, and auto-reactions can most easily and unconsciously turn on, take over, and highjack the mind. As soon as you realize that you are in one of these reactive, non-thinking states, immediately stop, step out of yourself, and try to non-judgmentally observe and understand exactly what you are doing and saying, and become fully aware of precisely what is going on. This is one of the biggest positive shifts that we can make in order to take back conscious control and awareness of the typically unconscious, reactive, habitual nature of our mind.

Our mind is kind of like a wild dog. If we train and befriend the dog, then we can peacefully enjoy our playtime and walks; but if we walk with an untrained, wild dog that we don't know very well, then we run the risk that the dog might suddenly run away or perhaps even violently turn against us. Train and befriend your mind, and your mind will become your best friend!

Become more conscious and aware of what you repeatedly do, think, and say; and consider whether these thoughts, words, and actions are truly representative of, and in harmony with the person that you would ideally like to be.

 

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, 
it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”  
~ Carl Jung

 

 

2. Tone down the negative and power up the positive. 

 

"Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction.
Break the habit. Talk about your joys." 
~ Rita Schiano

  

I mentioned earlier that we are all somewhat negatively oriented and programmed out of a necessity to protect ourselves and survive. We have come a long way from 200,000 years ago, but many of us will still tend to overly focus upon and exaggerate life's negative things, and downplay, ignore, or sometimes sadly not even be able to see all the goodness and beauty that life actually has. We have so many blessings to be grateful for, and yet there are still so many people who generally criticize and complain. If you see this negative pattern unnecessarily popping up again and again in your mind, become nonjudgmentally aware of it, and then try to re-frame the situation into something perhaps a little bit more manageable and empowering for your life. I am not suggesting to deny a negative situation, but to simply see it for what it actually is, rather than exaggerate or empower the situation with extra attention, or invigorating emotions, actions or words.

 

Become mindful of the way you talk.

 

Take a moment to think about how you approach talking about a problem or negative event. What words do you tend to use? Do you describe it in an accurate, realistic, and non-dramatic way; or do you exaggerate, energize, and sensationalize the situation to an even greater degree than what might be accurate or true?

 

Here are some examples of how to reword some commonly exaggerated, disempowering statements into softer, more accurate and empowering ones:

 

This is impossible.	This is going to require some extra work.
I can't believe he was such an idiot.	He needs to learn a few more things about life.
This was the worst day of my life.	I think I will have a better day tomorrow.
I'm so tired that I could die.	I need some time to power-up and recharge.

 

You could also try to transitionally reword some of your more exaggerated, perhaps overgeneralized or disadvantageous statements into something more helpful and productive for your life.

 

Here is an example of a positive transitional rewording of a common saying known to all:

 

"I'm not lucky at anything."

"I'm usually not lucky with most things."

"I'm sometimes lucky with certain things."

I rely less on luck, and more on my own efforts. From now on, my new mottos concerning luck will be "I create my own luck!" and "The harder I try, the luckier I get!"

 

Don't let your mind fall into the world's seductively easy, negative trap.

 

Consider what kind of topics you focus on when surfing the Internet, reading a newspaper, or watching TV. What sort of things do you mainly discuss when talking to others or texting your friends? If we don't use deliberate, conscious control and awareness, we will almost all fall into the negative default patterns and easy ways that seem to preoccupy much of the world. This isn't necessarily good or bad, but just the way things naturally are. This is not, however, a good excuse to simply stay negative and stop trying to progress and improve because "that is just how life is."

If, for example, I put a lot of dirty dishes in the sink and didn't bother to wash them for a couple of weeks, I could just as easily rationalize that having a pile of dirty dishes is simply a normal condition and the way things naturally are. In the same way, just loading up our heads with negative thoughts and giving in to the negative tendencies and relaxed ways of the world might be an easy, undisciplined way of going through life, but certainly not very supportive, satisfying, or healthy for our soul. Don't let the dirty dishes of negativity pile up to the point where you can't see out of the kitchen window any more. Having too many "dirty dishes" in our head will prevent us from seeing life as the wonderful thing that it really is.

 

Whatever positive or negative words or thoughts we tend to repeatedly think or say with power, deep belief and high emotional energy creates a force that will sculpt and influence our mind. They bring into our life whatever we passionately believe, repeatedly imagine and consistently say.

 

"If you want to find the secret of the universe,
think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration." 
~ Nikola Tesla

 

 

3. Become aware of what elements of your life story you focus on.

When I watch the news on television or read a major newspaper, it seems as if around 90% of the news that is reported is not very inspirational or even any good. While this world is certainly not perfect, as a whole it is definitely not predominately "bad."   Believe it or not, the world has improved so much from where it was even 200 years ago. We have greatly progressed in so many ways.

Does the focus that you place on certain events of your life story fairly represent the full truth and totality of your life up to now? Make a list and write out 20 or more of your happiest moments in life, and 10 things that you are grateful for right now. Try to regularly think and talk more about these things. Doing so can literally re-focus and change your life.

 

I made a personal list of around 50 of the most memorable, high points in my life, and made it a point to routinely look at them, and recall all of these positive, personal events every day in the morning just after waking up for a month. This simple 5-minute practice soon dramatically changed my whole attitude and energy for the entire day, as well as my general attitude towards life. The uneasiness, low energy, and discontent that I was having with so many things progressively started to fade away.  This was an extremely simple practice, but the effects were surprisingly profound. We might not be able to change all aspects of this world, but if we can change and redirect our general focus and perspective of the world, the world as we know it will soon begin to change.

 

"Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality."
~ Nikos Kazantzakis

 

 

4. Become aware of any negative programming you might have had.

We all have certain triggering words and situations that compel us to react and respond in programmed, predictable, and sometimes unconscious ways. How have these instant, automatic responses become so deeply conditioned and ingrained in our mind? A majority of them have entered through the mental doorways of programming, learning, or conditioning of some type. Here are some of the ways:

 

 

Repetitive Programming

Repetitive programming occurs through the continuous, repetitive experience or practice of something to the point of becoming deeply programmed, automatic and second nature to you.

Repetitive programming is commonly used in advertising, politics, propaganda, and education to strengthen, reinforce, and drive home some point.

If I were to ask you what is 3 x 4? You would immediately answer 12 without having to really think. After continually writing down and repeating "3 x 4 = 12" in grade school, this programmed response has now become automatic, built-in, and second nature for you.

 

Here are some other examples of repetitive programming:

• driving a car or tying your shoe
• remembering the words to a song or nursery rhyme such as "row, row, row your - - - - , gently down the stream"
• effortlessly blocking a punch after years of practice and repetitive training in a specific martial art

 

Are there any trigger words or topics that immediately put you in a specific, emotionally charged mental state? Why do you feel this way? How were you programmed? Is your reaction a product of your own thinking and choice, or is it something that was consciously or unconsciously programmed or learned from some outside source?

We should pay particular attention to the words, memories and life stories that we repeatedly think about and say. Anything that is repeated enough times, regardless of its actual truth, has a greater likelihood of becoming 100% real in the world of our mind. We can use repetitive programming and favorable emotional framing to our advantage to add positive dimensions and characteristics to who we presently are, or we can consciously or unconsciously be negatively programmed in disempowering ways as well.

 

"Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will one day become a reality." 
~ Earl Nightingale

 

 

Emotional Programming

Emotionally programming happens when we witness or experience some highly emotional event (good or bad), and then store and link that image and strong feeling deep within our mind. Subsequent reactivation of those original, powerful feelings can occur when we encounter a similar triggering event or stimulus later on.

 

Here are some examples of emotional programing:

• A retired soldier experienced some traumatic events during combat, and can still vividly remember the constant sound of gunfire and helicopters at the time. Now, in his private life, that retired soldier will still tense up and go on alert anytime he hears a helicopter flying by.

• A somewhat nervous young man can suddenly feel very safe, secure, and at peace anytime he smells the scent of his loving mother's favorite perfume.

• A middle-aged friend of mine at the age of five unexpectantly witnessed a chicken getting its head cut off while visiting his childhood friend on a farm. This single, shocking, traumatic event left an indelible impression on him that to this day prevents him from eating or even comfortably looking at chicken that is served on a plate. (I suggested hypno-therapy, systematic desensitization, and certain neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) techniques to him, but he simply didn't want go back and revisit that emotionally traumatic time.)

 

Are there any triggers, topics, or situations that immediately put you in some specific, emotionally charged mental state? Why do you feel this way? How were you programmed? Is your reaction a product of your own thinking and choice, or was it something that was consciously or unconsciously programmed or learned from some outside source? Once you can understand where some of your thoughts and reactions are coming from, progress and improvement are not far away.

 

 

Programming through
Peer Pressure, Groups,
and Pop Culture

There are many ways in which we can be programmed through the power of conformity and group pressure, such as through:

 

classmates	co-workers
neighborhood / society	organized group or team
gang	friends / family
political party	mass media
religious community	national identity

 

Programming through social conformity of some type has probably touched all of our lives to a certain degree. Oftentimes, programmings based on some need to conform have happened during our childhood and teenage years, but the effects can, and often do last a lifetime.

Think back to your childhood days. Did you comfortably fit into society and your peer group at the time? Did you have any heroes, idols, musicians or sports stars that perhaps you admired and built a little part of your own personality upon? Could the life story and personal identity that you presently have be based on group programming, social pressures, and the need to conform in some way? 

 

The key to personal improvement and change is to first fully understand and become aware of how people, situations, and events have influenced and shaped your thinking and character up to now. 

 

“Not all peer pressure is bad. If you have peers who are pushing you to go further in life and believe in your dreams. Man, you got it made!” 
~ Jeff Moore

 

   

Programing by Authoritative Power

"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely." 
~ Lord Action

 

Most people that have some type of authority or power over others generally try their best to be honest and fair. There are some, however, who choose to exploit their power to unfairly use and sometimes abuse other people in some way. Managing power with self-discipline, fairness, and compassion has always been a challenge for many since human history began. Probably most of us have been taken advantage of to a certain degree at some point during our life; and there are those who might have also been, unfortunately, greatly abused. No matter what the degree of suffering or abuse you might have gone through, the only way of truly escaping from the negative effects of such abuse is by, at some point, eventually "letting go" and moving on.

 

Here is how I defined "letting go" in an earlier blog of mine, From Darkness to Light:

 

"Letting go means being able to release something toxic and not look back, and then choosing something higher and greater to live for. Letting go means to choose freedom through release, enabling us to walk out of the painful mental prison that we might have been wrongly put in.

Releasing and freeing ourselves does NOT mean forgetting or downplaying what has happened; or accepting, whitewashing or justifying the words or actions of another person. Letting go is more concerned with the healing and freeing of ourselves from the destructive mental chains of the pain from the past. Until we can separate and free ourselves from such pain, that person or bad memory is always going to have some degree of influence and control over us."

 

I believe that the universe is ultimately fair, meaning that she must operate within, and obey her own laws. To all victims who have suffered from the abuse of power at the hands of somebody else, don't overly concern yourself with vengeance or retribution at this time, but rather focus upon moving on and going ahead with your own life. The universe through her own laws of equilibrium and justice will see to it that all abusers will one day receive in turn whatever they have so unfairly and perhaps even cruelly given out. Life is an honest and accurate mirror in this way. This might be what was meant by the Biblical quote:

 

Don't seek revenge yourselves, beloved, but give place to God's wrath. For it is written, "Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord." 
~ Romans 12:19

 

Perhaps Spiderman's Uncle Ben had the simplest and best advice for those with greater power or authority of any type:

"With great power comes great responsibility."

 

 

Reward or Punishment Based Programming

Reward or punishment based programming is formally known in psychology as operant conditioning, as coined by B.F. Skinner. Operant conditioning is simply a type of conditioning, learning, and programming that occurs through rewards or punishments for behavior of some type.

 

Here are 4 examples of operant conditioning:

Positive Reinforcement: A father praises his son after seeing that he got straight A's on his report card.

Negative Reinforcement: A young boy does his homework in order to avoid getting yelled at by his teacher.

Punishment: A lady gets a speeding ticket for driving too fast.

Extinction: A mother is tired of her young son continually nagging for more cookies even after he has been given his fair share, and so decides to ignore any future requests. After a time, the boy grows tired of asking, gives up and eventually quits.

 

 

Learned Helplessness

In learned helplessness, a person's repeated past failures or lack of control over some situation creates a sense of disempowerment, hopelessness and futility in ever attempting to face the same challenge or situation again. A classic example of this is described in the story Elephant Rope. To quickly summarize the story:

A newborn baby elephant is leashed with a thin rope tied to one of its feet to keep it from wandering off and escaping. After many failed attempts in trying to escape, the exhausted little elephant eventually gives up hope of ever breaking free and never tries to run away or escape when leashed by that rope ever again. A few years later, after the elephant has become a powerful, young adult, capable of easily pushing down small trees, it will still never try to break free when tied by that tiny, little rope. The rope isn't very strong, but for the elephant the memory of its past failures in trying to escape is. How many of us allow events from the past to still bind and control us today? We are all quite different from who we were in the past, capable of doing many more things if we simply believe that we can.

 

"It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves."
~ Sir Edmund Hillary

 

The most dangerous type of programming might be the programs that condition and shape the mind to automatically react and respond to a specific stimulus without consciously thinking or being aware. If you don't choose to actively train and control your own mind, your mind and the outer world will most likely train and control you.

 

 

Impressionability

 

Generally, the younger a person is, the more open, receptive and impressionable they are to outside stimulus and programming, which, depending on the environment, can either be good or bad. Simply stated, our childhood experiences and memories play an incredibly important role in forming our overall character and disposition for life.

Children can easily and unconsciously learn many new things. Adults, however, often have to consciously "relearn" and "reprogram" themselves in specific, deliberate ways. Additionally, adults have to become proficient at breaking old habits, especially if they want to learn more, advance, and grow. We, as adults, can change, improve, and re-build ourselves in whatever way we like, but it will take more time, dedication, and patience than during our softer, more formative years. 

 

Enlightenment is not so much about learning many new things, but more about rethinking many old things, and admitting that sometimes perhaps we were wrong.

 

 

Deprogramming

 

Deprogramming yourself is not as difficult as it might seem. It simply involves closely monitoring yourself, and becoming more aware and observant of your thinking, feelings, and behavior in a non-judgmental way.

There is just one question that you have to continually ask yourself: 

 

 Why did I do that?

 

Why did I do that?	Why didn't I do that?
Why did I say that?	Why didn't I say that?
Why did I feel that?	Why didn't I feel that?
Why did I think that?	Why didn't I think that?

 

At first, it might seem difficult to continually monitor yourself and constantly ask yourself "why," but after a few weeks of practicing conscious awareness and mindfulness, your brain will quickly adjust. Soon, this whole process of higher self-awareness will become second nature to you. The goal of becoming more self-aware is to eliminate the disempowering programs that you have unintentionally created and picked up over the years, and create some more empowering programs that are of your own conscious, deliberate design.

 

Life and other people have programmed a lot of who you are up to now. Wouldn’t it be nice to become aware of what those programs are, keep what you like, throw out what you don't need, and maybe even write some better, more empowering programs for yourself as well? Self-monitoring and continual improvement are not temporary jobs that have a quick end, but practices that should be followed and continued throughout life. Life is more of a process of development and an experience to be felt, rather than simply a competitive race or task that has to be completed or perfectly done. You can't finish or get to any sort of end in life, because ultimately in life there is no end. Life is an infinite process to experience and enjoy in each and every moment, here and now.

 

 

Our Mind is a Garden

 

You can't create a beautiful garden, and then just walk away, hoping that it will naturally maintain itself, and continue to beautifully grow. A garden that is not regularly maintained will soon become plagued with weeds, and become a chaotic mess. This once magnificent garden will no longer represent all of the beautiful things that it was originally intended to be. A little bit of loving care and maintenance on a regular basis is key. The garden of your mind also requires such attention and care, and is a task that only you can do. Your parents, friends, lover or even a spouse can't adequately perform such mental and spiritual upkeep for you. Happiness is an active, deliberate choice that only we can internally create, provide, and maintain for ourselves.

 

How can we maintain and further grow and beautify our minds? Here are a few of the many practices that you can do:

• morning rituals
• positive affirmations
• forgiveness of self and others
• goal setting with steady progress
• exercise / healthy eating
• commitment to continual learning and improving
• peaceful meditation
• mindfulness
• reading inspirational things
• surrounding yourself with positive people
• gratitude practices
• writing / journaling
• loving yourself and helping others to grow ... just to name a few 

 

You don't have to do all these things at once. Focus more on small steps and steady growth. Life is not a race to be won, or a project to be completed, but an infinite journey to be experienced, and an opportunity to create and express who you are. Start with a daily 5-minute, homemade, simple routine of some kind, and soon it will grow into an empowering, life changing habit that will support and benefit you for life. 

 

I will be writing more blogs and home programs on various empowering practices and routines in the future, based on what I have found works best for me. The key to success is to take various ideas from different sources, including this website. Use these ideas to create a program, no matter how short or simple at first, that is custom-made and just right for you!

 

 

Perfect Psychological Self-Analysis is Not Necessary

 

When cleaning and weeding your "mental garden," you don't have to perfectly recognize, analyze, and pull out every single little negative weed. Look mainly for the big, problematic weeds at first and pull them out fast. Then plant in so many new, beautiful flowers of empowering ideas, inspiring images, and positive thoughts that you will simply block out and overpower any of the other negative little weeds that might still remain. Flood your mind with so much goodness that any of the remaining little negative things will naturally be focused upon less and less, and eventually shrivel up and be washed away. In a field full of flowers watched over with love, weeds have little chance to take root or grow. It is our duty to become loving, conscientious gardeners and farmers of our mind. If we don't do this, then nobody else will!

 

 

Summary of Self-Improvement through Awareness

 

• Decide and become very clear on what you want to do, be, and have in life.
• Become aware of what personal habits or programs have prevented you from achieving these things up to now.
• Decide, believe, commit, and take action. Drop and let go of those disempowering, non-supportive habits, beliefs and programs from the past, and replace them with helpful programs and daily rituals that will help you to grow into the person that you really want to be. Taking little, progressive steps at first is fine.
• Focus more on the present, and flood your mind with the good; and look forward towards the future, rather than remaining frozen and stuck in the past. (a.k.a. analysis paralysis)
• The only person who can do this is you! 

   

 

 5. We are far more than the life masks we wear or roles we play.

The various life masks that we have developed and wear based on our job positions, responsibilities, and interests in life significantly define and represent who we imagine ourselves to be. These masks, however, also have an impermanent, fleeting nature, and continually change throughout our life. They can never fully represent or hold within them the infinite potentiality and greatness of who we really are. Think of the mind, body, and sense of identity that you had when you were very young. Who you are now is quite different, but certain aspects of your past self still undoubtedly remain and influence you today. We are constantly building upon and re-creating ourselves. Personal change is inevitable. Nothing remains the same.

 

For some people, the term "mask" might have a somewhat superficial or negative image whereas "self-identity" seems to feel a bit more genuine and true. Perhaps the difference between a mask and sense of self-identity is that we create masks to function and interact with the outer world; whereas we use our sense of self-identity to create and define who we inwardly believe ourselves to be. Our self-identity, on a deeper level, however, is simply a deeper, more finely crafted, ingenious mental mask. This realization has always been known to the soul, but is somewhat disturbing for the ego to hear. The ego doesn't want to be told that it has limits or that it is not ultimately the totality of who we really are. Our soul can use all of these egos, masks and identities to explore and experience many different things; but, unlike the ego, the soul is well aware that it is far greater than the sum of its "mask-like" parts. The ego thinks that it is actually the mask, whereas the soul understands that it is temporarily wearing a mask, and can choose whatever mask it wants or needs to experience and explore the infinite possibilities of life.

 

There are some who believe that not only do we wear many "masks" in this current life, but that we have also worn many other masks in the past. While it has not been scientifically proven, there are numerous accounts of supposed past life memories, as well as near death experiences that have been uncovered through personal testimonies and various past life regression techniques. The sheer number of people and some of the really compelling testimonies, along with many of the unusual similarities and coincidences found in many of these accounts, do not conclusively prove anything. However, they do raise some interesting questions that should be followed up and further explored.

 

For those who wish to research these topics further, here are some people who have contributed much in their respective fields:

• Brian Weiss: Past Life Regression Therapy

• Ian Stevenson:  Reincarnation Studies

• Raymond Moody: The Near-Death Experience

 

Why is it important to realize that the outer masks that we wear, and our deeper sense of self-identity that we have, are not two separate things, but actually shallower and deeper aspects of something that is one and the same? It is important to understand because it means that both our masks and sense of self-identity or self-image are fleeting, fluid, changeable, and most importantly, for the purposes of this blog, "programmable." This means that we can actually change our deeper sense of self, including our core values and basic beliefs, through focused practice, training, and continually becoming more aware of the life stories that we have mainly focused upon up to now. Who we think we are is not set in stone. Thanks to the programmable nature of our being, we have the power to morph and change, and become anything that we want to be.

 

For some reason, there are many people who stubbornly swear and live by the proverb, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." This is one of the most disempowering, negative life philosophies that a person could ever have. The only partial truth to this proverb might be that generally speaking, the older you are and more life experience that you have, the more time and energy you may need to invest in changing yourself from your old, time-entrenched habits and ways. Changing and improving at any stage of life is not impossible, not even for an "old dog," as this proverb falsely claims.

"Everyone thinks of changing the world,
but no one thinks of changing himself." 
~ Leo Tolstoy

 

 

 6. Live and work in an empowering environment.

 

Questions to Consider
about your Environment

 

 

What kind of neighborhood are you currently living in?

Does your neighborhood support the interests and life that you want to pursue? Does it help you on your way to becoming the best that you can be? Would moving to another location be better for you in the long run? When building a business, they say location is key. The same rule applies when building a life.

 

What kind of people do you typically surround yourself with?

Are they supportive of you and your goals? Would making some new, additional friends and associates be even more helpful in becoming everything that you want to be?

 

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with."
~ Jim Rohn

  

What kind of work or job do you have?

Does your current work positively help to develop your character? Is your job preparing you to advance to even higher, greater positions later on? Would looking for a different job be better for your overall personal happiness, development and lifelong growth?

  

 

We can all get caught up in our old habitual lifestyle and ways, which might feel comfortable for a limited time. We should, however, stop every once in a while, and ask ourselves these sort of difficult questions. Perhaps it is time to really make an effort to change our lives, including possibly even separating ourselves from some of these old, familiar things. Dramatically changing our life is kind of like giving up an old pair of our favorite shoes. It is difficult to break in a new pair of shoes at first, but we also have to keep something in mind. These initially awkward-feeling, new shoes of ours will ultimately support us in much better ways on our continuing journey through life.

 

One of the most difficult challenges in changing our basic patterns, habits, and assumptions in life is our love for the familiar, and fear of the unknown.

 

If you decide to move to another neighborhood, perhaps limit or cut the time you spend with some of your less than supportive friends, or change jobs in order to further learn and grow, then you are going to have to become brave, take a courageous leap of faith, and follow up with some real gutsy action and think in new ways.

 

To the extent that you are willing to positively modify or change some of the key components of who you presently are, will be the extent to which you will be able to improve and advance on your journey through life.

 

 

7. Don't accept all the stories and opinions that other people might have to say about you. 

Sometimes, the greatest challenge towards your own progress and growth might surprisingly come from the very people who are closest to you. Friends, relatives, or even a spouse may knowingly or unknowingly continually bring up old, disempowering stories or memories from the past.   Depending on who they are, you can either ask them to stop, try to quickly change the subject, or if necessary, limit the amount of time that you spend with them.

 

"To be a champ you have to believe in yourself when no one else will."
~ Sugar Ray Robinson

 

 

Negative Comments are Sometimes Good

 

It goes without saying that we shouldn't spend too much time with overly "negative" people, but it also may not be very productive or wise to limit our acquaintances to backscratchers and yes-people who never have an opinion different from our own. I have personally learned the most about life and myself from the negative, challenging experiences that I have gone through; and from the people who have had opinions and beliefs that were very different from my own.

The saying "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer” by Lao Tzu means that we should protect ourselves from hidden attacks, and also remain open-minded and flexible enough to perhaps learn something new from an unlikely and perhaps even hostile source. There is something valuable that we can learn from everybody - no matter who they are or what they believe.

 

Here is a 3-point checklist to see if you should more carefully listen to and possibly consider another person's initially perceived "negative" comment or advice:

 

1. Are they giving you these comments from a heart of deep caring and support for your own personal benefit and growth?

2. Are they offering you advice from a calm, collected mind, and NOT from an overly emotional perspective of heightened jealousy, anger, fear, or hate?

3. Are they trying to create a win/win situation for all when offering their advice?

 

If the answer to any of these questions is "yes," then it might be wise for you to at least consider what they have to say, even if it initially seems somewhat harsh or "negative" to you. Their opinion or advice could be a hidden gem of a chance for you to learn something new and grow.   If, on the other hand, the answer to one or more of the above questions is "no," then perhaps the advice that you are hearing should not be taken too seriously, or in certain cases simply be ignored. As with all things, listen to that inner voice.

 

As you gain higher positions of power and responsibility in life, the amount of negative criticism thrown your way will naturally increase as well. If nobody ever had anything negative, cruel, or critical to say about you, then perhaps you are playing it a little bit too safe. This could be a sign that you should push yourself more and take some greater risks in new and challenging ways. Avoiding pain at all costs will not help you to grow. It is actually a good thing to have some people (but not too many) disagree with you!

 

Oftentimes the best leader is not necessarily the most popular leader.

 

 

A good balance of character can be likened to a finely crafted Japanese sword that has been forged with fire through a technique called differential tempering. What this simply means is that parts of the sword are especially hard, and proficient at cutting through almost anything, while other parts of the sword are comparatively soft and flexible to ensure that the sword doesn't crack and break. The image and character that we create through who we are, what we do, and the personal stories that we choose to focus upon and say should also have a good balance of firmness and flexibility in order to allow us to grow. It is this softness, acceptance, and occasional sense of surrender in life that will allow us to build upon, refresh, and re-create ourselves anew everyday. The strength of character of a person can be measured by the greatest challenge that they can go through, survive and withstand. Instead of firmly resisting or avoiding all of life’s challenges, go through them, flex when necessary, adapt, and grow.

 

"When the winds of change blow,
some people build walls
and others build windmills." 
~ Chinese Proverb

 

 

Summary of the 7 Key Points for Programming and Optimizing your Life Story

 

1. Become aware of your habits and patterns of what you do, think, and say.

2. Tone down the negative, and power up the positive.

3. Become aware of what elements of your life story you focus on.

4. Become aware of any negative programming you might have had.

5. We are far more than the life masks we wear or roles we play.

6. Live and work in an empowering environment.

7. Don't accept all the stories and opinions that other people might have to say about you.

 

The self-image that we hold, positive or negative beliefs that we have, and personal life stories that we focus upon and say are the most important determinants for what we will do, be, and achieve in life.

 

"The way we tell our life story is the way we begin to live our life." 
~ Maureen Murdock